Hnger Hurts but Starving Works

12:49PM

well i have been losing some weight 
my mom asked me today if i was losing weight i simply
said i guess 

my clothes fit a bit lose and i can see my ribs again 

well my stats are 
wt.- 122
and waist- 27.5

thats better than before i have been pretty much eating every 3 days or so and just one meal

3:59PM

 so they say that you can be anything you want in life and that all your dreams can come true 
well i hate that for the most part its not true

i mean how can two people that really like each other and seem to be perfect for each other just manage to always some across problem after problem, and all of this seems to get between the two being happy

ughhh i hate it so much 
i hate that i fall for guys so fast so hard and even though it hurts im there like a freakin martyr

as far as the way i wanna look 
well lets just say that i was really close then i just ballooned to an enourmous weight and now im kinda getting back on track 

with some help of the white girl 

hopefully in the next weeks ill lose some more weight!!!!!
god please help me !!!!!!!! if i cant have my other half please at least let me be skinny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6:02AM

i am finally closer to my old weight but 
everything else is going wrong 
idk what else i can do 
my ex got a girl pregnant while we were together and 
now the guy i really like cant be with me because he just found out that hes expecting from his gf 
ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! when is it my turn to be happy when?

i scream and i scream but no one can hear me 
i dont have any friends it seems and i feel so alone 
ive done things that i think will make me feel happy 
but only while it happens and sometimes not even 
and after wards i just feel so low 
i hate it 

i dont know what to write because i really cant find one good word to dercribe how it is that i really feel 
if only i could maybe i would know what i could do 
im fat im alone im in pain and lost 

my goal as of now is to be skinny, happier , not alone and to find myself again 

7:00PM

well i have binged today
and i purged but well i well know that i didnt get rid of everything 
and i went way over my limit 
probably 600 over 


ugh and now my stomach hurts alot and idk i have mad cramps too!!!


but tomorrow i am gonna start restricting again! 400 cals limit or less!!

9:28AM - day 5

i am getting really frustrated
i lose weight one day then the next its like i am back to square one! 
i am even eating the 400 cals sometimes less 
and drinking water too alot and coffee so i can pee more lol

but i dont know what to do! i am gonna hang on though i have noticed that i lost an inch of my waist but then i have the same problem because sometimes i feel bloated so i think thats why

but i was wondering if the same thing happened to any of you?!?

7:31PM - day 1

well today went fairly good 
i unfortunatly ate 395 calories and my limit was 400 

so i guess its a plus that it was less but i would have like it to be less 
i did weigh myself in the morning and i was at 116 still so its ok

but i hope tomorrow is less 

although i am dreading tomorrow and sunday especially because no one will be at school or working and will be able to keep an eye on me all the time

but best wishes to all 

and i will post an update for tomorrow around the same time 
because i dont eat after 7 and so after this time i will for sure consume no more nasty food

6:10PM

well it is now officially been a month since i ran away from home 
and i have been gaining weight like crazy 

i guess it was because i didnt know how to make excuses that i wasnt hungry or just didnt want to eat but now i am actually making my way around meals and i feel that i am starting to get back on track if you will but

im still very shook and my emotions are different evey second i am depressed sometimes its worse than others

i actually alomost commited suicide but never again
i guess i did that because i was tired of feeling fat and well my family wasnt helping and i just wanted to put an end to it but now i dont know i hate this ed but i need to have it 

idk howmany times i have tried recovery but it just doesnt work 
i guess you really need to wanted it for it to work right??

and its been so long that i can imagine life with out it

but anyways 

tomorrow i start a 400 or less calorie restriction so if anyone wants to join feel free 
i need some serious support and i will give some to those who need it

4:52PM

2 more weeks for the tutorials at MAC yay!!!!
i cant wait to go buy more makeup!!! lol

4:50PM

today in cosmetology i did my first 3 haircuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:20PM

                                                                                                 
                                           Friends ONLY!!
                            (comment to be added)

11:45AM

10:13PM

ok so i have decided to make my lj private so i am going to delete alot of ppl so if you are deleted then dont feel bad i will add you on myspace
Thank You
I LOVE YOU ALL -karina




Check me out!

11:39PM

weee two more days to halloween

11:38PM

Check me out!

10:59AM

freak freak freak
i went to take my driving test not knowing that they are closed saturdays so yea it sucks so much and hopefully i will go during the week
i feel so stupid
well right know i might go get some new clothes
and imma go with my mom so that she gets her hair done hehehe

i will do it!!!!

Current mood: this sucks so much

Current music: manic street preachers

8:39PM

my icon was made by blueclouds_____

7:29PM

ok so im not dying so thats a good thing freakin doctor shes a fuckin idiot but oh well so whats up with evry one umm hmm ok so tell me what have you done with your life and i wanna hear happy stuff not stupid shit that you'll get over in like a day meaning no i broke up with my boyfriend or stuff like that ok soooo ( click away )

Current mood: curious

Current music: honest mistake

8:55PM - awesome!!!!

11:37AM - fuckin shit

i hate evrything right now
i so wish i could disappear!!!!

Current mood: angry

Current music: angel_belinda

5:38PM

tomorrow big day gonna get a blood test so wish me luck and hope that nothings wrong